Testimony Tuesday

Tim Challies has declared today to be Testimony Tuesday for the Christian blogosphere, and I thought I would join the club and post my testimony. This is actually a revised version of a post I made on my Xanga over a year ago.

I was born in Shady Grove Hospital early on the morning of July 10, 1989, joining such illustrious alumni of that day as John Calvin and Jessica Simpson (no kidding, and those are the only two famous people born on my birthday. what a boring day...never mind). I was raised in a loving, Christian home, went to one of the most wonderful churches on earth, etc., but it didn't make any difference to me. From the beginning I was a rebel. I am still remembered by relatives and my parent's friends as never sitting through an entire dinner without being spanked several times and then being sent to my room (I didn't eat Thanksgiving dinner until I was seven).

When I reached grade school, I went to a small private school, where I quickly became well acquainted with the principal because I was in his office at least once a day during kindergarten and first grade. Some people still think that I should have won a special award for "Most Trips to the Principal's Office in the Space of One Year." Throughout all of this time I was arrogant, disrespectful, disobedient, and just plain mean. I always had a rotten attitude about everything. I was also best friends with Josh Tucker (who used to be a contributer to this blog), who lived across the lake from me (about a five minute bike-ride from my house). Two more sour, disagreeable kids it would have been hard to find. At least once a week, and normally more than that, we would declare that we never wanted to see each other again and march off for home with our noses in the air, only to see each other the next day for carpool as if nothing had happened.

I prayed the "Sinner's Prayer" many times throughout my childhood, but never really meant it. I knew all the answers, but I never applied them to myself. I enjoyed my life and my sin, and didn't really see why I needed to change. As I got older, the sin went from external to more internal. By the age of ten I was an okay kid, certainly not as visibly sinful as before, but more sinful inside. I was still disrespectful, unkind to my siblings and my friends, and concerned mainly with satisfying the desires of my flesh. As a matter of fact, I managed to drive off most of my friends or be banned from their houses during this period. It was during this period of my life that I moved to a little brick house on Georgia Ave., where I only found more ways to sin.

Then the amazing happened. One night during Christmas break, my brothers were spending the night at somebody's house and I had my room all to myself. Taking advantage of this, I grabbed my CD player and brought it up to my room to listen to Christmas music , specifically the compilation God With Us (during that time I absolutely loved the Christmas season. I loved everything about it: the music, the decorations, the movies, the presents, the family. I kind of went crazy every December with artificial Christmas spirit).

Somewhere between Out of the Grey's "O Holy Night" and Cheri Keaggy's "What Child Is This?", the Holy Spirit swept on to me, revealing what a horrendous sinner I was and that "the Babe, the Son of Mary" had come down to save me. It was nothing short of miraculous, since I was involved in some serious sin at the time and had no desire for God. Fortunately, he had a great desire for me. As he revealed the truth of the gospel to me, I realized my need for a Savior and prayed that God would cleanse me of my filthy sin and clothe me in his righteousness. As I did so, I felt an a joy like none I'd ever felt before sweep over me, almost physically lifting me off the bed. As I lay there, I must have had one of the biggest smiles ever as I relished my newfound freedom from the burden of sin I hadn't even acknowledged I had earlier that day. It was an amazing feeling, and the unexpectedness of it demonstrated how far God had to come to get me. There's no telling what God will use to bring his children to him.

After that night, things changed. My natural tendency is to keep things to myself, so I didn't share my conversion with my parents at the time, but they noticed an immediate difference in me. I was kinder, more respectful, quicker to apologize (none of this was a huge difference, but it was definitely an improvement). God was transforming my life. I began to actually bring my dad into my life (which is still an area that I need to grow in, but I've improved), confessing hidden sin. It was all evidence of God's grace in my life.

I slowly grew in godliness, becoming more involved in the church and actually began to really enjoy worship and the sermons at church. About three years ago, however, God revealed himself to me anew at the youth retreat, giving me just a glimpse of his holiness during the ministry night that struck me to my knees and set me crying uncontrollably (something that doesn't happen often, let me tell you). Since then, I have been blessed with amazingly godly friends who have helped me grow in so many ways, with amazingly relevant sermons that have challenged my faith and helped me grow, and with amazingly godly parents committed to helping me grow. My life has been just one sign of God's mercy after another, and I am so humbled that he would pour out his favor on me.

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Since writing the above testimony post last year, lots of things have happened. I have encountered God in a different way than I communicated then. I think I can say that those years were my "honeymoon" period, where everything was amazing. Especially this last year I have learned to trust God through trials. The trials haven't been incredibly dramatic, but they invloved a lot of what I communicated in my post about Godspell's production week. I've been learning a lot about trusting God even when I things happen that I don't expect, or happen when I was expecting something else. I've gone through dry spells, relationship problems, and have been constantly battling sin that it feels like I should have defeated a long time ago. It seems that the lesson I've been learning this year is this: "God is good." Three simple words that have revolutionized my life. No matter what happens to me, I can rest assured that God is good, and is working things out for me.

So life as a Christian is no longer all joy and smiles and sparkles. I guess everyone has to leave that phase eventually. I'll miss it, but to use Paul's metaphor, it's time I moved past milk and got some more substantive food. I'll be heading off to college next year, entering a new phase of life, and I can honestly say that I will be so much better prepared because of all the lessons I've learned this year.

I know I've said it before, but I can't think of a better way to end this post than this:

God is so good.

A Chronicle of God's Grace

Well, I have to say that my "sabbatical" was a very good idea. I'll probably be picking back up again this week since our rehearsal schedule is a lot lighter, but I thought I would direct those who are interested to a post I wrote on my Xanga about my experiences during production week for Godspell. I make it a point to try and avoid lots of personal details on this blog, at least when it comes to names, places, and specific events in my life, because there are a lot of people who read this who don't know any of those names, places, or specific events, and nobody wants to read the diary of someone they don't know personally. However, I have learned so much about God's grace this week that I just had to pass it on to the world at large. I'm going to excerpt the most important parts here:

Throughout the week, as everything was going wrong with the weather, rehearsal plans, and sickness, as we were losing cast members left and right and performing with a third of the cast as understudies, we all were constantly being reminded to trust in God. What became my theme verse for the week was a verse that Anna had read during prayer on Saturday morning:

You keep him in perfect peace
Whose mind is stayed on you,
Because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

I had to keep my mind stayed on God the whole week, and so did everyone else. All of us had periods of discouragement, but God was so good to keep bringing us back to him, and we were drawn together as a cast through the trials. It was marvelous to see how God worked...

The amazing thing is how God's grace has been manifested in the peace he gave all of us this week, through all the problems and setbacks and sicknesses. Mrs. Mays can be commended for always keeping our eyes focused on God's grace and providence whenever things went wrong, setting the right tone for the whole week. I am amazed at the grace God gave those people who are sick and those people subbing in for them. He has helped everyone, even the understudies, perform at an incredibly high level, and most importantly to proclaim the gospel to over 2000 people. I am just so amazed at how God works through adversity to bring us closer to him.

God is so good :)

(Props to Kate Price for the photos)

Free Grace

Don't you just love how you can read the same passage of Scripture over and over, and then one day you read it again and it's like you're reading it for the very first time? That just happened to me again this morning as I read in Romans 11, the crux of Paul's extended argument about Israel and the Gospel. In this particular passage he is defending the fact that God has not rejected his people, even though they are all in rebellion against him. He tells the story of Elijah who asks God to kill them all because they are all going to kill him, and God says "I have kept for myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal" (v. 4).

Then Paul says, "So too at the present time there is a remnant, chosen by grace. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace" (v. 5-6). As I read that, the truth of those words hit me, and I just read over them again and again. In this verse is the very definition of grace itself, that marvelous gift of God to me. What is it? It is FREE! I don't have to work for it, I don't have to do anything for it. God has chosen a remnant of people on the earth, and he chose me because he wanted me and for no other reason. It wasn't because I was smart or kind or able to do big things for him. He chose me because he loved me.

I know that my first temptation as a proud sinner is to want to add to grace, to give my little contribution: "See, God, here's what I can do to make myself worthy of this." Yet I love Paul's pithiness at the end of the verse: we can't add anything to grace because "otherwise grace would no longer be grace." Grace is totally, completely free. What amazing news! What an amazing reason to praise God anew!

(photo credit: Brittany Kauflin)