Thoughts from a Cross-Country Road Trip

A collection of random thoughts and observations from our 16-day, 7,100 mile, 132 hour road trip around the country:

• We live in an incredibly beautiful country. I mean, even the supposedly boring parts are incredibly beautiful (e.g. Kansas and South Dakota). Except Ohio. Ohio is boring. I swear this has nothing to do with how many times I've driven through Ohio in the last 24 years. 
• South Dakota is particularly beautiful. I had no idea. Everything from the rolling hills in the east to the Badlands and the Black Hills in the west definitely made this my surprise favorite drive-through state.
• Montana's nickname of "Big Sky Country" is no joke. The sky really just feels bigger, and that's probably because of the complete lack of any vegetation. But oh man. I have never felt that small without the presence of stars. 
• Also, we drove for a good 2-1/2 hours without passing a single house or, more importantly, a gas station in eastern Montana. Thanks Google Maps for not mentioning that fact when you told us to get of I-90.
• The Mississippi River is huge. That probably goes without saying. But it was not nearly as big or dramatic as the Columbia River in Washington State. You're driving across this incredibly flat and arid farmland that looks like nothing if not the Scottish moors for hours, when suddenly, out of nowhere, you're on the edge of this massive red rock canyon with an unbelievably wide river at the bottom and you just think, "How on earth can we even get across this?" 
• Seattle was an very friendly city. There's not a ton to see there as a tourist, but everybody was just so nice. Also, the Space Needle is overrated, but the Chihuly blown glass gallery is absolutely incredible. I didn't even know you could do that sort of thing with blown glass.
• My single favorite moment in Seattle, and possibly of the entire trip, was sitting down after a long day of walking around Seattle in Rachel's Ginger Beer at Pike Place Market and drinking a Montana Mule (ginger beer and whiskey) for a solid forty-five minutes. Talk about delightfully relaxing.
• All of the coastal roads are beautiful, but US-101 comes nowhere near the coast in Washington, so you might as well wait to get on it until you get into Oregon. 
• Pretty much all of the West Coast beaches, with a few exceptions, are at the bottom of cliffs. This is very foreign to me, being from the East Coast, so I just thought I'd call it out.
• Redwoods are very big. And there is a portion of US-101 that winds through them so that it feels like an awesome video game. 
• Napa is just fun. It really is the only place in the world where people come solely to drink good wine and eat good food, so it feels distinctly European. Plus, it means the food and wine are really, really good. Mmmmmm.
• San Francisco is very hard to do if you're not with a local. We spent a good 1-1/2 days wandering around the city and felt like we totally missed the real city. We definitely need to go back.
• However, the tourist stuff in San Francisco is cool too. Alcatraz is awesome, the sea lions are hilarious, and we accidentally were in town for races 3 and 4 of America's Cup, and got to stand at the finish line for both races. In related news, catamarans are awesome.
• Big Sur would be a lot cooler without being engulfed in fog. Or so I'm told. 
• Santa Barbara has a ton of shopping. Like, miles and miles of stores, which is only a slight exaggeration. I think people go to Santa Barbara for things other than shopping, but I have no experience of these things.
• Also, the police department in Psych is a lie. It does not exist. The exterior shot of the police department is nowhere to be found, and boy did we look hard for it. Stupid Vancouver. 
• Mediocre diner pancakes taste a whole lot better when your toes are in the sand. 
• Also, I've been trying to avoid mentioning food in these notes, but I had the best sandwich I've ever had at Pickles and Swiss on State Street.
• If you've never been to Las Vegas, think of every crazy elaborate tourist trap you've ever experienced, and then blow that up to how it could be done if you had unlimited money to make it awesome, and that's Las Vegas. And it really is awesome. Just because it's the mother of all tourist traps doesn't make it any less awesome.
• You can get an incredible hotel room in Vegas for nothing. But if you want to do things like, I don't know, eat, prepare to spend some serious dough. (Seriously though, our hotel room in the Signature at MGM Grand was a suite with a full kitchen, two bathrooms, a full Jacuzzi, and a balcony. And the TV rose out of the desk with the push of a remote control button and said "Welcome Emily." And it cost $110 a night. No joke.)
• Utah is gorgeous. But you already knew that.
• Driving through the Rockies at night is bad. Driving through them in the rain is worse. Driving through them during the Colorado floods of September 2013 means you need to give up and find a hotel in Vail.
• When you're driving cross-country, and one of your main goals is to see the country, try to plan your days so you don't have to drive at night. In other words, I have no idea what Missouri looks like. 
• The St. Louis Gateway Arch is actually pretty cool, except it's hard to get a good view if you take I-70 right into the city because you're too busy trying not to drive off a bridge to actually look at it. 
• The last day of driving on a long trip is the worst, because all you have to look forward to is your own bed. But there is nothing like that feeling of being home and collapsing into your bed. 

Sometime I should share all the incredible food we ate. Maybe I will. But not today.

Allegiance to...who?

So Dr. Richard Gamble, the professor who influenced my last post on system building so greatly, has just written a review for the American Conservative of the American Patriot's Bible (which, coincidentally, I first directed his attention to several months ago...at least I think I was among the first). Within his scathing review, he states much more eloquently than I can the system constructed by the modern evangelical movement.

Modern American evangelicalism has its own way of reconciling church and state. It imagines an ideal American founding on Christian principles, blames the nation’s decline on secularists, and mobilizes politically active believers to “reclaim” America as God’s chosen land. It sees no inherent conflict between America and the gospel. Christianity is safe for America’s political and economic order. In fact, a return to the Bible’s wisdom and morality would automatically heal the nation and secure its bright future. No one need choose between allegiance to Christ and allegiance to America.

It's a great article in general, which I highly encourage you to read.

The Cactus

This is the short story I wrote for our Honours retreat this summer. It was partially inspired by rereading one of my favorite books of all time, Peace Like a River by Leif Enger. I hope you all enjoy it.

It never snowed in Hartville.
At least, not that Phil had ever seen. And he’d been living there for at least eleven years now, ever since that day he’d stepped out onto the tarmac with his mom and seen the cactus. It looked like one of those cactuses you see in the cartoons, when Yosemite Sam is blasting off those crazy pistols and trips and lands in a ravine, where of course he sits on a cactus and jumps up and yowls and runs around with little cactus spikes sticking out of his butt. It’s a cartoon staple, that cactus, that almost looks human—except a really deformed human, all bent out of shape, with one arm a good foot below the other. Maybe that’s why cartoonists always include it—it adds a sense of deformed humanity to the dry desert.
Phil wasn’t really sure why he had noticed the cactus. It was just sitting there, near the little building that in places like this could be called an airport. It was really nothing more than a waiting room with walls, with one sleepy old lady sitting behind a desk filling out a crossword puzzle. But the cactus stuck with him. It seemed to stare defiantly at the blazing sun, shaking its little spiked paw at the planes flying overheard, as if to say, “How dare you come and put asphalt in the middle of my desert!” In the eleven years that Phil had lived in Hartville, he had always remembered that cactus.

Jaden threw the pen down. Why on earth am I going on about a cactus? he thought, exasperated with himself. I’ve never even seen a cactus before, or a desert, for crying out loud. Stupid writing assignment. What am I even doing here? Venting? It’s not working at all. And seriously, it was only a birthday. Not a big deal. Yet despite his inner protests, his disappointment still hung inside him, draping itself around his heart so that his chest felt heavy and sticky.
Jaden stood up and started to pace the room. It didn’t help to dwell on it. But it’s not like it’s the first time that Dad’s forgotten my birthday… Jaden shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He had to do something, something else, something to take his mind off his dad. He grabbed his cell phone from his desk and ran downstairs.
“I’m taking the Honda, Mom!” he yelled as he ran out the front door.
“Be back by 7,” she called back, “ I need to take Kelly to Dana’s house.”
Bolting down the front walk, he jumped into the front seat, winced from the hot leather, turned up the stereo, and peeled out of the driveway.

Phil loved snow. Back in Colorado, he used to spend hours building snowmen and having snowball fights with his dad. There was nothing quite like waking up in the morning and seeing a fresh layer of white all over the ground, or like walking through the pine trees listening to the steady crunch, crunch, crunch under your feet as the rest of the world was silent. Nature always seemed quietest in the early morning.
One of the best things about snow was Christmas morning. There was always snow on Christmas morning, and every year Phil would run outside after breakfast and make a snow angel. He figured that since the angels sang over Christ’s birth, it was fitting that there would be one in his front yard every year. In a way, it helped bring the season home to him.
Of course, making an angel in the sand is a lot less comfortable than making one in the snow, but that was all that Phil could make now that he lived in Hartville. A sand angel and a cactus, those were his memories of Hartville. He’d only made the sand angel once, and afterwards had given up. It wasn’t really important anyway.

There was a willow that sat next to Lake Hugo. Its long, droopy branches just brushed the surface of the water, and the gnarly roots made a comfortable seat for a boy whose mood matched the demeanor of the tree. Jaden liked to sit there and watch the Canadian geese swim back and forth on the water, honking like Mack trucks on the highway. Geese made him laugh, the way they took everything so seriously, even fighting over the stale breadcrumbs he sometimes brought from home. Occasionally he’d even see a turtle out on one of the semi-submerged logs, but they didn’t usually stick around too long—the geese probably drove them crazy.
Jaden used his time at the willow to think. Often he’d reminisce about his recent escapades with his best friend, Paul. Just a few weeks ago he and Paul had gone hiking and had gotten lost, ending up spending the night in a lean-to they constructed from scratch. It had been a marvelous amount of fun, except when they made their way back to civilization and found out how worried their moms had been. Of course, his dad hadn’t even been aware that he had been missing… in fact, Jaden wasn’t even sure if he knew now that his boy had once survived a night in the mountains with nothing more than a water bottle and a pocket knife.
Jaden shook his head. He had come out here to clear his mind, not to keep thinking about his dad. He watched a goose hiss at a rabbit that came a little too close to its nest in the bulrushes and smiled. How nice it must be to have a parent willing to stick up for you in a moment of danger. Take advantage of this, he thought, as if the eggs could hear him thinking, this phase doesn’t last for long. He sighed. This wasn’t helping him at all. Usually nature cleared his head, but today it was just distracting him. He eased himself from his seat and patted the willow as he walked back to his car.

Phil liked to sit out by the airport, under the shade of that lonely cactus, and watch the buzzards circle overhead. Planes only flew into the airport once every few days, and then usually only with the mail, since no sane postal worker wanted to drive all the way to Hartville to deliver congressional fundraising letters. Still, Phil enjoyed the thought that one day a plane was going to come that would take him out of this godforsaken town forever.
And that day wasn’t too far away. In a year and a half he would be shipping off for school, back to the University of Colorado. Of course, since he’d be coming home for winter break, he would still never get a white Christmas, but that couldn’t be helped. At least he’d be out of Hartville nine months of the year.
He glanced back at the cactus. It was still shaking its arms in the same defiant gesture as when he first arrived. “What good has it done you, little cactus,” he said aloud. “Why do you bother standing against the world?” He sighed, and went back to watching the buzzards.

It all happened so fast that Jaden afterward could never quite remember the series of events. One minute he was cresting the hill on his way back home, and the next second the biker seemed to materialize in front of his car. He swerved and crashed through the rail fence next to the road, and then his right front tire hit something and the car began to roll. The pasture was on the side of a mountain, and once the car started rolling it began to pick up speed. Jaden was wearing his seatbelt but it didn’t really matter as he felt himself battered around, and then his head flew forward against the steering wheel and everything went black.

He awoke with the strange feeling that he was hanging upside down and tried to shake his head to reorient himself. A rush of pain quickly awakened him to the fact that he was hanging upside down, and that he was still belted into his seat, and that he had a splitting headache. He gingerly unbuckled his seatbelt and crawled out of the hole where the driver window used to be. Standing up slowly, he turned and surveyed the damage to the car. To call it “totaled” would be an understatement. The vehicle was a smoking, twisted heap of metal, partially wrapped around the gigantic fir tree that had stopped its revolving rush down the mountain.
Jaden’s hand moved to brush away the sweat that was dripping into his eyes, but when he brought it back down it was covered with blood. That would explain the headache, he thought.
A voice behind him caused him to turn around. “Hey, kid! Are you all right?” The cyclist was running down the hill with a look of concern on his face. “Dude, I’m so sorry about that. I must have drifted out into the middle of the road—here, use this on your forehead.” He frantically dug through his backpack and handed Jaden a bandage. “I’ve never seen a car do that before! You must have rolled twenty times! How on earth are you even standing up?”
Jaden was still staring at him, only partially processing the stream of dialogue coming out of the biker’s mouth as he slowly raised the bandage to his forehead. The last question seemed to shake him out of his daze, and he slowly stammered, “I…I don’t really know.”
“Do you have any broken bones?” the cyclist continued, unstrapping his helmet. “You look just fine to me, except for that nasty gash on your forehead. Dude, you really should sit down.” He reached out his hand to grab Jaden’s elbow.
Suddenly Jaden’s knees suddenly began to feel wobbly, and collapsing next to the smoking Honda, his shoulders began heaving as he buried his face in his hands, tears streaming between his blood-stained fingers. As he sat there weeping, a lone goose slowly flew over the wreckage, emitting a single honk as it gazed in wonder on the scene below.

It was Christmas Day. Phil took the day to walk to his usual position under the cactus. The air was unusually crisp, and the sky was overcast as he settled himself down. Today he’d brought a book, a new Ken Follett his mom had given him this morning. After a few minutes, however, he set the book down. He really didn’t feel like reading.
He stared contemplatively at the solid gray sky. He hadn’t seen clouds like this for a long time, not since his days in Colorado. They filled him with a sense of chill foreboding, and his nostrils swelled with the memory of fresh pine. He stood up, slowly, still gazing intensely at the clouds. Maybe this is what they talked about in Genesis, where God split the waters between heaven and earth. It sure felt like he had a gigantic tarp stretched over his head, holding back a rush of something.
Phil shivered. It was remarkably cold today. He decided to head back home where it was warm, and turned and walked away from that deserted strip of asphalt. His mom was sure to be waiting there with some of her fresh-baked peanut blossoms and a cup of hot chocolate—the thought of it made Phil’s mouth water, and he smiled slightly. Merry Christmas, Mom.
And as he plodded slowly home, a solitary snowflake floated gently down and alighted on the outstretched arm of the angry cactus.

Ascent

Hmmm...so much for being a steady blogger once I got to school. I've written a grand total of...one post. Well, now it's Christmas break, and if anyone out there is still reading this blog, I might try and write a bit...but we've all seen how much that means. Oh well. School has been so much fun and so terribly busy, there's been no time.

On the plane ride home, I had no book to read, and was listening to my iPod as I looked out across the landscape (on a side-note, remind me not to sit right on the wing if I'm planning to look at the landscape). Suddenly, this line popped into my head: "the endless patchwork of farmland melds into the deep blue of the lake." It felt very poetic, and since the Muse does not hit me very often, I decided to run with it, so I pulled out my laptop and wrote this poem (moderately edited since). Enjoy in lieu of a real post.

Ascent

Rolling down the great imposing plain of asphalt
the airplane picks up speed, the wheels leave the ground,
I feel pressed into my seat—not crushed,
more as if my father’s firm hand holds me back.
The endless patchwork of farmland,
interrupted by a tiny grouping of towers—is that Detroit?
It seems so small from up here—
Melds into the deep indigo of the lake
The ascent continues—the body trembles slightly—
there’s a vast wasteland of glaciers, now
it disappears into a pale haze at the horizon.
The sky rises above the haze, the same azure blue
as the lake below—perspectives change—which way is up?
The glaciers have become another patchwork of farmland
this time covered in a thick layer of snow.
Another plane passes in the distance
leaving a bright plume of vapor behind it, like a comet
We’ve passed into a cloudbank—the world is white
like a blizzard, but I can still see the wing.
Even in the blizzard, a faint hint of blue is visible
if you look close enough
I think the plane is turning, I feel unbalanced,
but all perspective is gone
Blue lake below, blue sky above—or is it the other way around?
This cursed cloudbank skews the world
Out of the cloud now, the white is at the level of my eyes,
a great plain of snow as far as the eye can see
No definition out there—I could be anywhere in the world right now—
I’ve always wanted to visit Paris
We’ve descended, sandwiched between two clouds,
with the blue peeking out from both sides
Even gravity deceives up here
The stomach drops, rapid descent, that way must be down
We’re still descending, but the stomach has adjusted—
funny how it does that, I can’t even tell we’re dropping anymore
I remember something about that in physics—inertia, was it?
No matter, it’s Christmas break, and I’m going home—
I swear, it’s like another world up here.

The Just and the Justifier

Yes my friends, he's back! After a long period of settling down in my new college environment, I have finally made it back to the blogging world. I'm having a great time, but life keeps me busy, so I'm not sure how often updates will be coming. I'd like for them to be at least once a week, but I make no guarantees. I have an insanely massive Odds and Ends post that's been collecting for two or three months now, so I might actually break it up into two, but until that time, enjoy this little reflection I wrote this morning as a meditation on a verse first brought to my attention by John Piper at New Attitude.

In reflecting on God's glory (his favorite topic), John Piper directed our attentions to Romans 3:21-25, a wonderful passage that dwells on man's depravity, Christ's sacrifice, and our justification. As I was looking at the passage in my Bible, however, I noticed the very next verse, and it absolutely floored me:

It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Just and the Justifier. What does that mean?

Just

God is perfect and holy in his whole being. Holiness is the sum total of all his attributes; he is separate and apart from his creation. Sin cannot enter his presence, for it is absolutely antithetical to his character. He is completely just, and must punish sin fully and completely. For him not to punish sin and still bring the sinner into fellowship with himself would be an offense to his character, and demonstrate that he is not truly just. In other words, for him to be loving and not just would mean that he is not God. He would be fallible. He would be a disgrace to himself.

The Justifier

Yet God loves us, and he desires to be in fellowship with us. But how can he do that when we are sinful, and cannot possibly pay for our own sins? We can never enter his presence, because everything we do is an affront to God, a direct act of rebellion. Yet God made a way: he sent his own Son to die on the cross for our sins, bearing the full wrath of God against our sins. He, as the previous verses say, "put forward [Christ] as a propitiation by his blood." And now, we humans can put on Christ's righteousness and enter God's presence without fear, because we have been justified. God has justified us, and reconciled us to himself.

And herein lies the beauty of this verse: it captures this essence in just one phrase: "so that he might be just and the justifier." Christ came to show that God is both just and loving at the same time; only God could have come up with a plan that would present him as just and the justifier at the same time. What a glorious mystery this is!He is utterly holy, and yet stoops down to associate with vile sinners such as me, who have scorned him and rebelled against him. He pays for the offenses we have leveled at him with his own blood, and reconciles us to himself forever. What a glorious God we serve!

Heading Off to School

In two weeks, I will be in the car driving up to a remote town in southern Michigan. My trunk will be full of clothes, books, and miscellaneous items with which to survive over the next eight months. Yes, the time is almost here for me to go to college. Let me tell you, this is a pretty big step for me, but the truth is, I'm greatly looking forward to it. Everyone who I talk to tells me "College will be the best four years of your life" (or, as the guy I met on the beach said yesterday, "College was the best seven years of my life"). As I head off, I thought I would tell you guys about the school and what I'll be studying while I'm there so that you can pray for me.

Hillsdale College was founded in 1844, and it was the first college in the nation to accept students regardless of race or sex. It has always been committed to the principles of freedom and liberty, and although it is not a "Christian" school, it is very conservative and teaches everything from a Judeo-Christian foundation. It is a small school, with only about 1300 students, and it is known for being very academically rigorous.

One of the main reasons that the school is well-known is because it has refused to take any federal funding for the last several decades. Most schools depend heavily on funds from the government, either in grants or in financial aid to students, but the government takes such aid as giving them the right to interfere in the college's daily operations. When Hillsdale discovered this, it made the decision that rather than have it's independence compromised, it would simply refuse all federal aid and rely on private donations. This tactic has worked remarkably well, and the college has no trouble raising funds (it has just completed a huge renovation of the dining hall, and has also built a new Student Union building within the last two years).

Hillsdale has a very strong liberal arts program, and actually requires all freshmen to take a number of specific courses, including "Western Heritage" and "Rhetoric/Great Books". That way, every student has the same foundation on which to build their education. It is especially well-known for its history program, which is the program I currently plan on entering. I will be majoring in history, with the intention of going on to either law school, grad school, or seminary.

I am in the HonoUr's Program (yes, we insist on spelling it with a U), which I'm very excited about. In the Honours Program we take special sections of certain classes, go on a yearly retreat, and do all kinds of fun things together. I have several friends already at the College and in the Honour's Program, and they tell me that Honours is one of the best parts of the school.

My first semester I will be taking Western Heritage, Rhetoric/Great Books, Latin I (I flunked my placement exam, so I have to take it over again), Differential Calculus, Choir, and either Golf or Weight-Training. I'm very excited about my schedule, and I look forward to getting started in all these classes (except for Calc, but after that math is over forever :D ).

Sprititually, I'm looking forward to making my way through some classics of the faith. I want to read some Edwards, some Owens, some Augustine, some Spurgeon, some Bunyan, and other great works. I am currently reading John Stott's classic The Cross of Christ which is excellent, and after that we'll see what I can get my hands on next. I am also buying Calvin's Institutes with the money I got from my birthday, as Mr. Boisvert told me that every serious student of the faith should have it in their bookshelf. I look forward to benefitting from it when it arrives.

Here, then, are my prayer requests over the next year:

• That The Clash would prepare me mentally for the spiritual opposition I am sure to face, both from professors and from students
• That I would have the self-control to get up early enough to have my quiet time every morning, no matter how early my classes start
• That I would have the courage to engage my unbelieving friends in conversations about their faith, and that I would be faithful to share the gospel with them
• That I would be responsible and spend my time wisely, and especially be able to budget my time spent blogging and browsing the internet
• That my roommate and I would get along and experience fruitful fellowship together as brothers in the faith (his name is Tom, and he was in my AP US History and AP Macroeconomics classes, so I know him a little bit and know that he's a Christian)
• That I would call home regularly and stay in touch with all of my dear friends back in Maryland
• That my computer would not have any problems for at least the first year :D

Well, there you go. Please keep me in your prayers over the next few weeks as I pack, attend The Clash, and move into my new school. I'm so excited to see what God is going to do!

Graduated!

Well, my high school graduation was last Saturday, and what an event it was. I was the the senior in charge of administrating everything (I was under Mrs. Hoover and the other moms, of course), and I'll be honest: I'm glad it's over. There are a lot of details that go into an event like that which I had no idea where even issues. But thankfully, everything went wonderfully, and the worst mishap was when one of the moms knocked off one of the graduate's caps when they hugged.

Bob Donahue spoke, and gave a nice exhortation from Psalm 90:12, which was our theme verse: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Bryce and Emily, the 10:31 winners for our class, eloquently thanked our parents for all their work over the years. And I got to give the charge as the unofficial valedictorian (it's hard to figure that out objectively in a homeschool class, but they chose me since I was a National Merit Scholar...of course, all that really means is that I do well on standarized tests, but they insisted). Here's the text of what I said:

Friends, after 13 years, we finally made it. We've been invested in by our parents and by our church, and we have been entrusted with the single most important gift we will ever recieve: the gospel of Jesus Christ. Now, as we go forth into the world as adults, let us be faithful to live that gospel for a watching world to see. Let us seize every moment as an opportunity to glorify God, and let us pursue wisdom and maturity all the days of our lives.

Then my good friend Robby Sawyer (a fellow member of the PC crew) led the class in flipping the tassels on our caps, and then we ran down the aisle to the sounds of James Bond. What a wonderful feeling to run down the back hallway screaming at the top of our lungs. So exhilarating.

(Oh yeah, we also gave our senior pastor, Josh Harris, an honorary membership in our class, since he once mentioned that he has never graduated from anything...i.e. his parents forgot to graduate him from high school. So we gave him a cap and gown, filmed him walking down the aisle, and gave him a diploma. It was great fun, and now I can say that I graduated with a bestselling author, not to mention a prominent pastor and one of the men I greatly respect.)

Now that my life has cleared up a little bit (although not that much), I have a whole line-up of posts I've been working on that should be making an appearance in the next couple of weeks. A foretaste:

• A meditation on Romans 3:26, inspired by John Piper's message at Na
• A defense of the just war theory, inspired by Sergeant York
• A critique of the "God is love" mindset
• A fun browsing of different Narnia book covers
• A response to Karyn's post about predestination (a continuation of this debate a few months ago)
• A massive Odds and Ends post that has been piling up for weeks!
• And of course the long-awaited Harry Potter post! (don't worry, I didn't forget)

So the next few weeks should be interesting as I head out on several vacations and other miscellaneous events. Tonight is my first new caregroup meeting, which I am very excited about. I'll let you all know how that goes. Hopefully this blog gets out of the personal life rut soon and back into some real meaty posts.

I'm Back!

Those were some of the best days of my life. Seriously. I am in awe of God's grace shown to us on the cross, and feel so much better prepared to live out humble orthodoxy. Well...I need help with the humble part, but I feel like I've been helped in that too. Let me explain:

On Saturday morning, the first day of the conference, I was reading in Deuteronomy, and as I read Mark Dever's commentary, I came across this passage:

When you begin to grasp the great truth of this book--that God chooses his people--you begin to realize that our fundamental posture as Christians should never be anxiety or pride, but gratitude and hope. Anxiety may look more humble than pride, but it's really just pride with no make-up on. More than anything else, a confident knowledge of God and his Word will kill our pride and fuel our hope. It was true for God's people back in Moses' time, and it's true for God's people today. If you want to kill pride and fuel hope, study and learn God's Word. Grow in your confidence in him. (The Message of the Old Testament, p. 162)

As I read that, I realized that the area in which I really wanted to grow was in humility. I'm very good at knowing what I believe (orthodoxy), but I'm a very proud person who loves to share his own opinions instead of listening to others.

During one of the times of worship, the speakers all read meditations on the cross from different church fathers, and CJ read a quote from Charles Spurgeon that pierced me to the heart:

I received some years ago orders from my Master to stand at the foot of the cross until he came. He has not come yet, but I mean to stand there till he does. Here, then, I stand at the foot of the cross and tell out the old, old story, stale though it sound to itching ears, and worn threadbare as critics may deem it. It is of Christ I love to speak, of Christ who loved, and lived, and died, the substitute for sinners, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God.

That's what I need to do! I need to spend every day at the foot of the cross, because only there do I realize my own insignificance and unworthiness. In the shadow of the cross, what reason do I have for pride? As we continued to sing about the cross, I was moved to tears to think that Christ would come to die for me, an arrogant sinner shaking my fist in the face of my Creator.

Am I humble now? Nope. But hopefully I have been humbled just a little more, and a little bit more of my pride is gone. Because that's how sanctification works: slowly but surely, God is faithful to bring my life into conformity with his character. As long as I dwell in the shadow of the cross, I will be humbled.

So that was one of my key takeaway points from the weekend. But for a general recap: the sermons were amazing, all eight of them (and are available for free from Sovereign Grace), the fellowship was incredible, and I had a great time in my first "singles" event without supervision. It was so much fun, I can't even begin to describe it. However, over the next few days I plan to write up an account of my experiences over on my Xanga, so feel free to check it out. And if you want to read some other detailed accounts, there were liveblogs everywhere, including Tim Challies, The Rebelution, Boundless, Kevin, and of course New Attitude itself. (Did I mention that I met Tim, Alex, and Brett? That was pretty cool, let me tell you.) So have fun reading about it, and start making plans to come next year!

Endings...and Beginnings

Today I woke up and went to Bible class. Five hours later I walked out of my Latin final, and just like that, high school was over. Oh sure, I still have to graduate, but as of today I no longer have any assignments due for a high school class...ever again. Oh, it's a wonderful feeling, let me tell you. I've always enjoyed school, but the last week has been torture as I've suddenly been hit by a belated case of senioritis. And now that it's over, I'm free as a bird! Except for...

Ah yes, the day after school ends, I drive for 11 hours to join thousands of other singles in Louisville, KY, for four days of fun, fellowship, and growth in godliness. How cool is that? This is something I've been looking forward to all year, and it's finally happening. Things I'm most excited about:

1. The most amazing line-up of speakers: Josh Harris, C.J. Mahaney, Al Mohler, Eric Simmons, John Piper, and Mark Dever
2. The chance to fellowship with so many of my great friends from CovLife
3. The chance to reconnect with many friends who live in other parts of the country (from places as diverse as California, Philadelphia, Ontario, and Oregon)
4. The opportunity to meet many new people
5. Most importantly, I am excited about how God is going to use this conference to strengthen me as a Christian

So please do me a favor: if you're not going, pray for those of us who are. There are so many opportunities for God to work mightily, please pray that he will. Pray for safety, and most importantly that God would be glorified.

I'm bringing my laptop, so I may be posting periodic updates...but we'll see. I'm thinking life will be pretty packed over the next five days.

Books I'm Reading

Well, Karyn has tagged me about what I'm reading, so here goes:

Just finished: A Brief History of the Western World. This textbook was pretty amazing in that it condensed all of Western civilization into 600 pages, and did it very well. I'll admit that I skimmed the last thirty years of history, which I'm already familiar with, although I did read the sections on philosophy and culture. I haven't actually finished a real book in quite a while.

Just beginning: Well, not having just finished something besides textbooks, it's hard to say I've just begun anything either. I guess I have recently begun The Gift of Prophecy by Wayne Grudem, because I wanted to understand how prophecy as practiced in my church could be considered biblical. My Bible reading did not seem to support the view, but after getting about halfway through the book, I can see the solid biblical foundations for non-authoritative prophecy. My theology now lines up with my practice, which I'm very happy about.

In the middle of: The Divine Comedy by Dante. Well, I've been trying to get through it for quite a while, but have not had much time. I'm almost finished with Inferno, and I may just stop there, which would be a real shame, but I'd rather read a lot of books this summer than be stuck in one semi-interesting one. However, I am enjoying it quite a bit, I just find it hard to pick up.

Planning to read next: The Count of Monte Cristo. It became my favorite book a few years ago when I read it, and I just want to read it again to refresh myself.

Now I tag Peter, Brielle, and Liz, plus anyone else who wants to do it.

A busy week

Yes, I have been a very bad blogger. School's wrapping up, I had two AP tests last week (English Language and Economics) and a Latin final this week, plus preparing for New Attitude...basically I'm swamped. So I haven't posted all week, and don't expect anything profound until after graduation on June 2. While you're waiting, however, read Deuteronomy. That's where I've been parked in my devotions, and it has been cutting me straight to the heart. Here is one of the passagesthat has really stuck out to me, enjoy:

"For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations." Deut. 7:6-9

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mom,

On this Mother's Day, I want to take the opportunity to honor you. You are a wonderful example of a Proverbs 31 woman. You love your family with your whole heart, and you love us sacrificially. You give all of your time, energy, and effort to raising us and training us in righteousness.

You are one of the greatest servants I know. Day in and day out you clean the house, do the dishes, drive us to classes, and I never hear a word of complaint. On the contrary, all I am aware of is your joy in serving.

I am so aware of your love for me. You feel my joy and my pain (often you feel it more than I do), and you're always there to walk me through trials, whether that is counseling me or just listening. You take me out for lunch at random times, and I can just talk to you about life and know that you actually care. I've observed the same actions with the other kids, and I know they feel your love too.

You have a passion to see all of your children walking with the Lord, and you disciple and discipline us with that end in mind. I catch a glimpse of your heart for us when we talk about prayer, and you tell me how much you've been praying for me and for the other kids. I appreciate that so much.

You are an amazing model of a woman who loves her husband and submits to him. I know that the biblical model of manhood and womanhood is the right one because I have seen it lived out at home. You are not the inferior half of the marriage, but you offer advice and counsel and then submit to whatever decision Dad makes. It's like the mom in My Big Fat Greek Wedding said: "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head however she wants." You are like that a lot of the time, in the best possible way.

I have inherited so much from you, from my love of history to my love of reading to many of my musical tastes, and we are able to have fun together in so many ways. I treasure our memories of late night movies, hikes in the woods, and reading next to you on the couch. Life's simple pleasures mean so much.

One day I will be married, and Mom, I can only hope that the woman I find is half the woman you are. Thank you for being my mom. I love you.

How to Pass Out In Front of 800 People

So that everybody knows, last night I almost passed out during our youth meeting. Here's what happened:

I was giving my senior challenge at our church's youth meeting (a short speech that a bunch of the seniors give at the end of the year to the underclassmen to pass on what they've learned throughout high school and exhort them to grow in some way). Mine was about trusting God even when things don't go the way you expect. I was the last person to give mine, and spent the time coming up to it crouching on the stage. When I finally stood up to give it, I started feeling nauseous, like I had stage fright. I don't normally get stage fright, but I kept on reading anyways.

As I read, I began to feel really, really sick, and suddenly I got really dizzy. I stopped (some people thought at first I was going to cry), and then stepped out from behind the podium and asked for a drink of water. As I asked, the blood rushed to my head and I staggered backwards as the world around me almost went black. My youth pastor told everyone to take a five minute break (which they were going to do after I finished anyway). A doctor rushed out of the audience, told me to put my head between my knees, but then I began feeling like I was going to throw up and they rushed me backstage to the bathroom. By the time I sat down, I was starting to feel fine, but I had at least six different doctors, three pastors, and my parents all peering in at me to make sure I was all right.

One of the doctor's called it fazo vagel or something like that, and said it happens when you stand up too fast. I think it was that combined with not enough water during the day. After resting for a little while, I was able to get up and finish my senior challenge, and I'll admit I was very happy with myself because when I got up there, I cracked a joke, and it was actually funny. I just said, "First of all, I'd like to thank the eight different doctors who came back to help me backstage. Your help was very much appreciated." It helped relieve the tension, and then I was able to finish the challenge. (I'm not normally able to be funny on the spot, so it felt good to do that.)

I found it very ironic that I would pass out during my challenge about trusting God even when things don't go as you expect. God is good, though, because I think it will stick in people's minds more than it otherwise would have. I'll post my actual challenge here in a few days. Until then, thanks to everyone who was there for your concern, and for everyone else: God is always good.